Thoughts & Feelings

So many thoughts and feelings, what do I post about? Do I post about the whirlwind trip and craziness of getting ready to fly off to Missouri last week during my performance week. Of God's hand in all of the small things that made it possible for me to leave and miss the final performance of my play. Of how wonderful it was to be with my sisters, to spend time with them both and receive strength from them. Of the memories that come from walking into Grandma's house - where it all seems the same and you are transported back to being a kid again. Of walking in and seeing cousins and aunt and uncles that I haven't seen in years, yet they wait there with open arms and you know that you are home. Or do I post about my Grandpa.

It's hard to say good-bye to someone, yet how grateful I am for the knowledge that it's only a "see you later". The hardest parts of saying goodbye are knowing that my children will not all have the opportunity to meet him, and of watching my Grandma be sad and knowing how much she misses him and how hard it will be for her to be alone. As I walked into the house I almost expected to see him sitting there and to get one of his big bear hugs. For all of his roughness and teasing, when he hugged you you always knew that you were loved. Especially when it was a hug goodbye after visiting, and he didn't let go. I will always think of him out with the cows - riding the tractor, leading the cows across the road (they followed him like a herd of sheep), taking us for a ride in one of his wagons, either with the tractor or the horses. He was a big tease and always asked anyone who was a kid if they had a girlfriend or boyfriend yet, and of course he was always trying to get us and tickle us or pinch us, so there was a lot of screaming and running away. I loved going for rides with him - out around the pasture or around town. As an adult he was always showing us land and houses that were for sale to convince us to move back there. When he owned the gas station we would go there and he would give us candy that tasted like Pepito bismal - and black licorice. So many memories of visits. Though he lived far away I am grateful to have had the opportunity to spend time with him, and for the memories of those visits. So, for now it's "see you later", and I hope that I can pass on those big hugs that let people know that I love them too.