Enjoy the Journey

Okay, so life has been very frustrating lately. Raising teenagers has turned out to be a really tough job, especially when you are dealing with kids who aren't sure who they are in the first place. I know that a lot of the behaviors are normal teenage stuff, but triple that with emotional issues and somedays I don't feel like I'm cut out for this. Then you throw in a 14 year old friend who got drunk, phone calls from the police because of trespassing and vandalism that has taken place which thank goodness my son was not involved in, but was blamed for because of the group of kids he runs with; uncertainty about involvement in a few other things and I really don't feel cut out for this. The icing on the cake was when I was asked (in all seriousness) - "How old does a person have to be to move out?". That one really threw me, and I've been having a hard time dealing with everything since then. It made me realize how short of a time I actually have left to make any difference in the lives of my kids. And by the time they are teenagers you don't have a lot of control anyway, so every day is a prayer that I'll make some difference, and that the mistakes they make won't be big enough to have a lasting effect on their lives.

On top of all of that there is my health, which is so frustrating sometimes. I get tired of being in pain. Between endometriosis and adhesions my insides just hurt. Then my joints hurt so much every day and sometimes it's hard just to function. Then I'm not real patient because of the pain and the lack of hormones, so I feel like a basket case.

With all of this frustration I have noticed that it's so easy to find all of the bad things and not notice the wonderful things in my life every day. When I am dealing with issues with kids it's so easy to get so wrapped up in the problems that I don't notice the good things they are doing. I get so worried about everything that I forgot how to be happy. Therefore, I have decided that I need to stop and make an effort to find something good, no matter how small in my life. And I need to make an effort to be happy, otherwise I'm going to go crazy through all of this.

For today - we had a good weekend. We took the kids to see "Mary Poppins", and they all enjoyed it, at least a little bit. It was a wonderful play and the effects were amazing. I had a good valentines day - I got a dozen beautiful red roses from my sweetheart. After giving my kids all some little valentines treats I found on my bed a paper with a heart shaped out of m&ms from my 10 year old. She had shared her m&ms with me, which means so much. It's a beautiful day outside, it feels like spring, and I have daffodils blooming in my front yard, and blossoms on my nectarine tree. My little 9 year old yesterday reminded me how important it is to remember people on their birthdays. As I was posting a Happy Birthday note on Facebook to my brother, she asked if she could text him - well, she tried but I guess I have the wrong cell phone number, so she wanted to call him. I told her yes and she had a wonderful 30 minute conversation with him. She is a great example to me of kindness.

"As you walk through life, always walk toward the light, and the shadows of life will fall behind you." Thomas S. Monson