I Love You, Mom!!

I love you, Mom! What precious words spoken by our children, and sometimes taken for granted. Because of course our children love us, we love them, and they love us back. But yet, how special that love is. I have a daughter that suffers from RAD - Reactive Attachment Disorder. Because of truamas in her past she has a difficult time bonding with others, especially parents. It's hard for her to really love, to let her gaurd down and just love. It's hard for her to trust and love because she doesn't want to be hurt again. As I was thinking about this today and trying to understand some of the behavior problems that come with this disorder, I finally understood how hard it must be for her. To see everyone around her love and accept each other, to know that love is there for her, but to be afraid to reach out for it. Sometimes she does open up a little, a small crack into the person that is really there. Then she closes back up real fast. How very sad that is, I can't imagine a day without feeling love for others and feeling love of others. And as I reach out to her and she pushes me away, I just want to take her in a big hug and let her feel all that love, but those are the times when she won't accept it. Those are the times when she needs it the most, and I hold her anyway, despite the fight. And when my other children tell me they love me, or voluntarily run up with a hug - no strings attached - I absorb it all like a sponge, and look for the day when she will be able to feel that same love, and to know that all is safe now. Until then - I love you my daughter - hang on and we'll make it.